Selective hearing.

Dear Brad,

I have a wife that thinks I don’t listen. Sometimes she tells me I am deaf. So much so that I went to the audiologist and got my hearing checked. I can hear perfect. So, Brad, man of many answers, is it me or my wife that is wrong?

Signed, Deaf only part of the time


It's your wife's fault. Plain and simple. She should start telling you things you want to hear like: "Hey hunk of muscle, do you want me to get a dozen of your favorite donuts, or two dozen?" or "Hey Super man, do you prefer a foot massage, back massage or both?" See, I bet you will hear things like that. If she could just grasp this, she would no longer think you are deaf. I don't think it is that hard of a thing to understand. Tell me things I want to hear and you can bet you bottom dollar I will hear it.
But since I do live in the real world, lets examine this better. It reality, it is probably both of your faults. I know my wife will tell me something when I am not paying attention, and as an automatic response I say "Yes", or what have you. I should have stopped and realized what she was saying.
The second problem is that your wife may be suffering from confirmation bias. Once she thinks you never listen, she remembers the times you didn't listen and doesn't remember the many times you do. You leave you shoes on the floor 2 days out of 7 and "You never put your shoes away." When in reality you put them away most of the time.
Once she thinks you are deaf, she will notice things that confirm what she thinks. I would be willing to guess that you do hear what she says more than 90% of the time. But those times go unnoticed.
So where does this leave us? Right here reading a blog from a guy that may or may not know what he is talking about. But as that guy that may or may not know what he is talking about I think that should be pointed out. I used to "Never put my clothes away." But once I pointed out that in reality I put them away most days, it isn't as big of an issue. I do try to put my clothes away everyday, but come on, I get busy being cool, and pretty soon I have run out of time to put my clothes away. It's the curse of awesomeness.
If this doesn't work, take a Q-tip and get some of that wax out of your ears. Make a candle out of it or something. Your wife will appreciate the thoughtfulness and new decor for the house. Just hope the candles are not scented.