Sock Purgatory.

Dear Brad, Every time I do my wash at least one of my socks go missing. Now I have a bunch of unmatching socks. How does this happen, is the "Legend of the Washing Machine Beast who Eats Socks" true?



Emily - Kaysville, UT

Emily, I fear you are not alone in this. I can not begin to tell you how many times I have lost just one sock. There are a few things we can do.
Number one: don't wash your socks any more. This will alleviate any losing of one sock. This will keep the "Washing machine Beast" un-fed, and possibly looking for a new residence to set up shop. But, this may have sour, nay, stinky consequences on your dating life. It may even have stinky consequences with your Non-dating life. It's just like Abraham Lincoln once said while buried neck deep in the Civil War. "No man who doth not wash his socks can win a war. His feet will be too dang smelly to sneak up on the Confederates." He had a point.
Your next option is to find a stream and wash them by hand. This will keep you away from the washing machine beast, and your socks will be clean...sort of. You may go for this option, but, well, this too may have grave consequences on your dating life as you will spend more time at the stream that will that lucky boy, with the great hair, chiseled body, and full lips.
My last piece of advice is to tie your socks together. Yep, in a knot. Or you can even get a mesh bag that you put all of your sock sin and put the whole bag in the washing machine. When my Dad had a locker up in the Weber state Track locker room that is how he did it. He had his bag that he gave the nice fellow washing stuff and his stuff would come back clean, and all there...even his socks.
Good luck with your washing. I am sure you will have two pairs of socks in no time.