Parking Bum.

Hate looking like an inconsiderate bum? I bet. Well, here's a tip to keep your lazy butt from look so danged inconsiderate.
Now, we know you aren't the most important person in this Universe of ours. It's time you know that too.
When it says "No Parking" in the fire lane in front of a store... Well, that means you too. No, it doesn't matter that you are sitting in your car while your wife, husband, buddy, son or 5th Grade PE teacher runs in to get Ho Ho's and Slim Jim's for your party. Yep, it's still a fire lane.
I know you assume since you have a party, and guest are chanting "Ho Ho's" that you are now able to park there. But let me assure you that it is still a fire lane.
To help you avoid the rolling of eyes, and gnashing of teeth, find a parking spot like the rest of us. You may even burn a calorie or two. (I know. I know. Heaven forbid.)
Look, no one likes an A Hole. Just park and walk.

You're Welcome.

Water doesn't kill germs.

After you use the restroom at the store, Energy Solutions arena, the hospital, Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, or anywhere else you just used the potty, I think you should be aware that running cold water over your hands for 3 seconds doesn't kill germs. In fact, if you listen really closely you can hear them laughing. If it were boiling water it would if your held your hands under a bit longer, but I don't really recommend that...all that much. Unless I hate your hands. But I don't. At least not yet anyway. Ruin a good hair day running your hands through it and I may hold a grudge.
If you're not going to wash your hands and you want to spread your germs all over the place then man up, and own it. Zip up your trousers, flush the toilet and proudly grab the door handle we all use, open the door and walk out. Stand tall as if to say: "I am a man who doesn't need no washin'. When I's grew up in dem woods we aint gots no soap. We just rubbed dem germs off on a rock and called 'er good."
I admit that my first thought is: "Wow, that's cool, the faucet is pouring out rubbing alcohol." But soon I realize it is nothing but very day H2O, and the soap, under warm water for at least 20 seconds is what you need to get rid of those germs.
Now I know that going to the bathroom isn't necessarily when your hands get dirty, and it's mainly just a good time to remember to wash your hands, which should be done many times over the day. If you're not going to wash your hands this flu season, fine. But for heaven's sake quit acting like you are because we all know you are just trying to fake us out. You just makes germs laugh. And remember, those baby back ribs out on your place are not going anywhere.

More words to live by.

1-When you are texting while driving...tsk tsk tsk..don't think that because you are holding your phone on your lap that everyone else doesn't realize you are texting. We know why you are driving slowly, and weaving like an idiot. Just because we can't see your phone doesn't mean we don't know what you are doing. If you are going to put our lives in danger, then be open about it. Hiding it just makes you look even more like an idiot.

2-If you are telling yourself that you would run if you only had a treadmill, you are either really delusional, or a complete liar. If you don't run outside, you won't run inside. Save money and buy hangers instead of a $1,500 clothes hanger.
Better yet, get out and run. If you can stick through the opening stage of getting in good shape you will probably stick with it indefinitely. If you run outdoors, then you will run on a treadmill on those extremely yucky days.

3- Everyone doesn't think like you. The minute you realize this your life will be so much easier, and people will like you much, much more. Now, don't let me lead you to believe that you shouldn't think like I do, because you life will be better if you do. But I do realize, everyone doesn't like to run, drink Mtn. Dew, listen to good music, and live a kick ass lifestyle. And I'm okay with that. But really, everyone doesn't hold the same arbitrary values you have, like the same things you do, or respect the same people. See it for what it is...They are not attacking you, they're just giving you a chance to see things differently. And maybe, just maybe, one of us might change the way we think. If you always assume you're right, you'll never learn new things.

4- Be nice to people and your life will be easier. When our boys came home with their report cards with great grades, what we raved about was their Honor in Citizenship grade. Both of their teachers said they give very few over all Honors. It is graded on about 10 different things. This is exactly what I told Ethan. "Why we are most proud of that is because it shows what kind of person you are. Any asshole can get straight A's, but only good people will get all Honors. Trust me Ethan, if you are nice, respectful, and caring towards other people your life will be much easier." It's true. Doors will open for you that you never imagined. People hire, buy from, want to be with, want to help out, and include people that are nice. I have found it also helps to be really, really awesome. Being cool is a plus, but Really, Really Awesome is a shoe in for success.
Being nice to people helps you out, and helps other people out. Everyone's life gets better. Remember, everyone, if they live long enough with lose everyone they care about, isn't that reason enough to be kind? I think so.
No one likes and A hole...don't be one! And that's my advice for the day!

Facebook or life?

Which should I do first: Write my paper for Introduction to Islam, or
study for the midterm in Political Science 200? Or should I just keep
surfing facebook?

Timothy (The Bishop) - Provo, UT

Don't be stupid Tim...Facebook always wins. I'm not sure what else to tell you. Would you rather do what you need to do, or what you want to do? It's a simple choice for for me.
For instance. I really want to kiss Amber, french style, and I need to mow the lawn. Of course I'll be kissing French style FIRST.
I hope this helps.

Bluetooth Blunder.

" Hey Daryl, can you hear me? This is Ron. I am in idiot!"

Tired of looking like an idiot when you are walking around with your silly Bluetooth ear piece in your ear? Well, have I got some good, nay, Great advice for you. Take it out! You look like an idiot when you walk around the store with it in your ear when it is clear that you are not talking to anyone.

It's 2008, we ALL have cell phones. You don't look cool. You look like a moron.

Look, I don't mean to come down hard on you like this...really, I don't. But I would not be doing my job of offering great advice if I didn't tell you that it's not cool to wear a Bluetooth ear piece when you are not using it. I understand that it is a pretty helpful tool...when someone is on the other line. But when the line is dead, it turns you into a moron.

Even if you are talking to someone, and you're not driving or doing something that leaves your hands too occupied to hold anything, use your phone. You look crazy talking to your self as you walk up and down the isles of your local super market. Just hold your little, light weight phone in your hands so the rest of us know you are not talking to us when you pass and say something stupid like: "Yeah, I'd keep walking too if my back side was that big."

Once you get over you Bluetooth ear mess, we can move on to better things that make you look cool. Like, "Do I tuck it in, or let it all hang out: Shirts, and the standard of tucking."

"Hey, not only do I have really crappy looking 'chops' I have my Bluetooth ear piece in and I aint talkin' to no one."

Undies rash!

Hey Brad!
I am having riding problems with my undies, what kind should I wear to avoid this rashy predicament?

Derek - Kaysville,UT

Undies are something that must be chosen wisely. First of all, I am going to just assume you are wearing boys under wear. If not, do, and problem solved.
Have you also considered that it may not be the undies fault, but your lack of buttocks that may be the issue. This can be helped though. I have no butt either, so rest assured that life can still be great.
Now, if you are a wearer of briefs, you are on your own. I don't think I've worn briefs since 4th grade. I'm a boxer man myself. But it doesn't end there. All boxers are not created equal. I am very picky when it comes to this arena.
My preference is Calvin Klein. In Boxers that is. The fabric is the perfect thickness, the waste band, oh so nice, and the fit is intriguing, yet comfortable and familiar. Ralph Lauren boxers of the 2008 year have also made me smile. The last Polo boxers I got were in 2006. The fit was okay, but not like Calvin Klein's. The fabric was knit too tightly, as far as I was concerned. Tommy Hilfiger boxers are pretty good, but it's their boxer briefs that have captured my heart. But all in all, Is till prefer boxers, way over boxer briefs. No ride, nice fit, relaxed vibe, and no rash.
Nautica is okay, but I don't I will travel that road again. I save them for days I feel like having a crappy day.
Boxers are like High Thread count sheets. Once you've got higher, you just can't come back down. I used to wear Eddie Bauer, and The Gap, but now, they feel like 25 thread count sheets. If you want to play the game, you have to be all in. If not, your life will be miserable forever more.
Button, or no button on the fly is personal preference. It is the fit and fabric that you have to be sold on.
The last item is design, color and pattern. Though it will do nothing for the rash, it will help you feel like a million bucks. You're not a kid anymore son, leave the cartoon characters on your nephews roos. Are you ready to take the step? The step that will lead you into the arena where fashion and comfort meet, "I'm one bad dude, and comfortable too"? Take the step.

p.s. You can also try baby powder. It will keep you dry and rash free as well. It worked wonders for our babies.

"Housekeeping!"

Brad,

I've got a problem. I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Ohio. I just raced an 8k this morning and my flight doesn't leave until 5:20pm. We're leaving the hotel at 3:30, in a couple hours to go to the airport. The usual check-out time is noon, I think, so the problem comes as I keep getting Room Service knocks at my door expecting me to be gone! The first couple times it was fine and they were apologetic, but now I think they are getting annoyed as I continue to answer their knocks. Should I continue to answer their knocks or just let them come in and discover that I'm still here?

Lindsey - Ogden, UT

Could it be that you secretly want them walking in over and over? Perhaps you were lonely and this brief encounter made you feel better. Much like people that call for time and temperature over and over just to hear a voice other than their own.
If it is loneliness that is keeping you answering the door over and over I suggest either bringing a friend or calling someone from time to time. Heck, you can even try your best to meet some friends. Though I know these short relationships may be a bit superficial, it will still help with your problem.
Another thing you could do is yell something like: "I'm in here!!!" as loudly as you can. Use a low voice that is slightly raspy. Throw in any of your proffered profanities for emphasis if you'd really like them to get the point. Add them as the knocking continues.
But then again, the easiest thing to do would be put the "Do not disturb" sign on your door. I do that anytime I go on business just to keep anyone from coming in when I am gone. I'd hate to come back and see that my socks had been rummaged through. Try it, it may work magic!

Random advice!

1. If you are ever running a race, playing in a basketball game, soccer game...but still especially a race, triple tie your shoes. Don't be that ding bat that people have to say: "Hey, you're shoe's untied."
There are enough things in races that can slow you down. don't let it be something you can control. It is far better to have to use a fork to untie your shoes than to run slower because you're shoe laces are whipping to and fro, or need to stop mid-race to tie them.

2. If someone says: "Yuck, this stinks so badly." Trust them. You don't need to smell it confirm the stunkedness (My own word) of what they are smelling. Have you ever been glad you did? NO! So don't do it. No one likes smelling stinky things. You know it's going to smell, so don't do it. I repeat, Don't do it!

3. Don't waste your money on Pseudo-Science. You know that unbelievable cure for whatever ales you? It's probably just that, unbelievable. Ever wonder why this amazing cure must be sold on late night infomercials, through a Multi-level; market, or out of a magazine? Probably because it's BS! If you ever have a question check www.quackwatch.com
Don't be that sucker at the next family party that everyone is talking about because you ate "Viper Minerals XTS" for lunch instead of actual food, or you are wearing a hat with magnets in it. Now take it from a true cyber-friend...don't be a sucker!

4. When you are mad, don't hit things in anger. It won't make you feel better, and typically you end up hurting yourself and thinking: "Why in the Sam hill did I slap my duggum hand on that there table?" Seriously, has it ever helped ANY problem? I truly doubt it. You know you will end up regretting it, so don't do it.
You'll just feel sheepish when, for the next 10 days, when people ask why your hand is bandaged you have to say: "I hit a wall because I was mad." They will be left thinking: "What'd ya do that for?"

Good advice!

If you are wondering: "Should I really ask this guy I may or may not trust for his advice? "

The answer is quite simple. Yes you should. Why? Because I have good advice. How do I know? Because once I thought. "Hmmm, what should I do about (This has happened on several occasions.)?"
Then I gave my self good advice, and it helped out a little. So if my advice is good enough for me, it is really good for you.

Random Advice.

Here's some good advice: Don't use your bare hand to test if something is hot. Try and ice cube. If it melts, it's hot.

Good advice #2: If you have sore throat, quit gulping to see if it is still sore. It probably is you idiot. Sore throats don't go away in 10 to 20 seconds.

Good advice #3: If you are talking to someone you don't like do not say "We should do something sometime" just to be nice. They may take you up on it, and you be stuck hanging out with some jerk you hate. And it will be your fault. So don't be stupid. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

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