I had a scary pee last night..

Advice needed 1500 miles away from Brad Anderson World Headquarters. I keep having a re-occurring dream that results in me wetting the bed. It involves the Smith family basement, a wooden leg, old tools, and "IT." Do you have any suggestions for overcoming such night terrors?


John H. - Indiana

The first thing you need to realize is that your cousins are pretty awesome. Every thing you saw in that basement was real. There was no acting going on down there. Just be happy that Wade has to deal with it now. There is still an old lady in the closet at the end of the hall. She is still in that wheelchair, and that old man in Grandpa's overalls still lives beneath the stairs. The only reason we never were scared is because we befriended them. We gave them Peanut M & M's from the upstairs closet, "Honey Smacks" from the cereal cupboard, and Tab from the down stairs storage room. We also, from time to time, heated them up a Totino's pizza from the big freezer in the laundry room.
Where you need to find solace is in the fact that you are now miles away. It will take that old lady months to wheel her self to your house. In her age, I doubt she would be able to find it anyway. And un-less Wade told her, she doesn't even know where you live.
Now the guy with the wooden leg is a different story. He has a car. He could get there in a few days. But relax, he (His name's Roger by the way) found a job at "Harts", and he'd rather help fill a "Big Dipper" than kill little kids. Last time I saw him he said: "Sure killing people in Ralph and Mabel's basement was fun. I've got a lot of good memories there. The screaming, the crying, you name it. But I've moved on. That killing just didn't pay the bills like I had hoped."
See John, you have no reason to be scared. The bed wetting is actually just a bladder problem. Make sure you go potty before bed time. Lay off of the "Big Dipper's" at night. And if your body tells you it's pee pee time, then you better listen to it and go to the potty.