What to say?

Brad-

I like to think that I am somewhat beautiful, but when I am around the fairer sex, I am at a loss for words. I might say something wrong, something stupid or something offensive without even knowing it. What should I do about this dilemma?



Joe-Fruit Heights

Well friend, first I must say that Somewhat Beautiful does not cut it. A work of art is more like it. So you are good to go in that department.
You need to realize a few things before we go any further. Though girls are the fairer sex, they will chew you up and spit you out faster than you can say: "Advice please!" Try as you might, but brother, they are like a mine field. I've lost many "limbs of love" walking, carefully at times, through the battlefield we call love. If the fairer sex weren't so wonderful I would tell you to run away as fast as possible.
As far as being at a loss of words...well, I would enjoy that. Nothing is better than being in the presence of a girl so beautiful you can't say anything. It happens to me every time I come home from work. (If my wife's home. If she's not then I have all kinds of things to say like: "Anyone home?" or "Where is everyone?") When you finally pick your jaw up off of the ground, just ask about what's going on. Act like it's your friend. How do you talk to a girl you know really well?
The other problem you might be having is you are trying to hard. You don't need to think about what to say. Just be yourself. You're a cool guy. (And if I think you're cool, you are on the right track. I said the phone was cool, and look where it is now.) If I had learned that earlier I wouldn't have waited until I was 7 to start kissing Valerie Nichols. I would have started at 6, for sure. Be yourself and suave things like: "Hey ladies!", "Any up for a little Joe tonight?", or "Toot toot, all aboard the Joe train. Next stop Love Land!" You know, things chicks dig!
I don't think I could count how many people, when they got older, thought: "You know, I would have had such better luck if I had just been myself." If you spend too much time trying to be what you THINK they want, you'll end up waving as she sails off on her honeymoon cruise. (You're waving because she married some other dude...if you didn't catch that the first time.)
It's true that you should realize that you are not in the guys locker room when you talk with girls. But it shouldn't be too much work. But if you try to b something you are not you won't be happy anyway. I suggest being yourself, and find a fair young maiden who likes you for you. Life is hard enough. It's a lot easier getting through it as yourself.
In closing, we all end up saying stupid things. I said my fair share. Laugh it off. Most girls like a guy who can laugh at his self. Remember, you remember the embarrassing moments more than other people. In fact, give it a week and you are the only person who will ever think about it again. I know it's a lot easier to look back and say: "Man I was dumb." So take some advice from someone who has been there, and done stupid things. Don't waste your time being what you are not. Let the ladies love Joe! (Not that other guy.)
Now get out there and get some battle scars.